How Christian Women Can Build Deeper Connections Through Faith

Friends and welcome back to Faithfield Woman.

Today we're going to talk about are we being present with people?

We're going to talk about are we being curious and are we paying attention and engaging with the people around us, whether it's someone in the grocery store or our friends, our family and in our community.

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I'm Kristen encourager, mentor, entrepreneur, wife and mom, here to uplift, equip and inspire you with faith filled conversations and Biblical wisdom.

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Here is the real Truth Bomb.

So many of us are caught up in our own lives.

We're caught up in our own to do lists.

We're caught up in going from A to B that we aren't always present with the people around us.

And now that over the last decade plus we all have a smartphone in our hands, most of us go inward.

We go to the phone and see what people are doing, but we are looking from the outside in.

We're not.

It's not like living in our own lives.

For instance, our phones are giving us an excuse to not engage with the people around us some of the time.

We're for some of us all of the time.

So I was reading today's devotional by Bob Goff and his book Catching Whimsy, which I've shared some of his tidbits, bits from the book before or the devotional.

But today definitely hit me and I just wanted to come on and do a quick mini episode because I thought, ah, it's so true, right?

It really resonated with me.

So he shares Galatians 6:10 which says so then as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone.

But he basically is explaining that how many of us are often right near someone else, but we're either not engaging with them or we're only engaging in small talk.

We don't go any deeper, we don't have meaningful conversations or we're not connecting, right?

Maybe we say hi or in in some cases you walk past people and you don't even look up or you don't smile or you don't say hello.

I have definitely come across many people that that's the case now.

I do usually try to say hello.

I look at people, I smile and I am definitely somebody that's had conversations or at least a quick chit chat in the grocery store right when I'm waiting in line.

But I also can find myself looking at my phone when I'm waiting in line or when I'm just, I guess, you know, not wanting to engage.

I mean, if I'm being honest, and maybe many of you can relate to that as well.

But I want to share what Bob says.

He says often the reason that we're not engaging with people or we're not engaging with him more meaningfully is we don't want to interrupt or pry or presume.

So we sit quietly, but Jesus wants more for us than that.

And then he says, don't sit at the table and twirl your hair while staring at a screen when you are surrounded by friends.

Instead, practice presence, pursue withness, and give it everything you've got.

Take a genuine interest in other people.

Turn to the person next to you in the checkout line at the grocery store and ask what the highlight of their day has been.

You're not asking them to donate, deliver to you, and you're not hitting on them.

Just be interested.

And he says your question to them will probably be the highlight of their day.

And while this isn't this exactly, I do want to share that.

Are we paying attention to the people around us, to what's going on?

Are we waiting in a long line and the person behind us is seeming, you know, upset, or they're just really calm.

You know, maybe they're trying to engage with us, but we keep turning our back to them and looking at our screens.

The.

I guess two weeks ago I was at the grocery store and it was very overcast and I think it was supposed to rain later in the day, but I didn't bring my umbrella and it wasn't raining.

Then I get in the store, and in the store it's raining so hard you can hear the rain inside of a huge grocery.

So I'm already thinking, oh, great, this is going to be.

This is going to be fun, right?

It's just.

It's literally like the heaviest downpour I've seen in a long time.

So I keep going about my grocery shopping.

I get what I need to get.

I check out and I'm thinking it's still just pouring.

I mean, we're talking super heavy and hard rain.

So I look at my phone, I look at radar, and it is not going to let up anytime soon.

I mean, it's not like, oh, and if I wait a couple minutes, the storm's passing.

No this is a big system.

Lots of rain.

So I go out, you know, to the front of the store.

I'm kind of sitting under the covered area, or I'm not sitting, I'm standing.

And there's probably six other people standing there.

I wait a few minutes, and I sort of say, oh, it doesn't look like it's going to let up.

And finally I say, I guess I'm just going to have to go for it.

And so I start rushing to my car with my cart.

But of course, I have a whole cart with groceries, so I can't just jump in my car.

I literally have to unload all the groceries and put the cart back.

But there was a couple women standing up, waiting as well, and older women.

And, you know, I immediately just had that little voice that said, you know, go, go help these two women.

Because by the time I got back, there was.

I think there was only two or three people left.

So I grab two umbrellas, and I open my umbrella, and I walk back towards the store, and I say to the women, I can walk you to the car.

You can use one of the umbrellas.

And I'll just get it from you, you know, once you get to your car or unload your groceries.

And so the one woman's thinking about it.

I think she's not really sure.

She's probably sizing me up, right?

The other woman's like, oh, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm good.

I'll wait, you know.

And I said, okay.

Well.

And so the first woman says, okay.

And so I say, all right, here you go.

I give her the umbrella.

I walk her to her car in the rain.

She gets in, I get the umbrella.

You know, we say thanks.

And it's somewhere along the way she tells me that when she saw me coming back towards the store, she was wondering, you know, like, what I was doing.

So anyways, I helped her, and that was wonderful.

You know, I felt it wasn't about me sharing this, because that made me feel good.

It made me feel good because sometimes we get promptings like I should say something or I should do something here.

And we don't always act or we're so disengaged with what's going on around us, we don't even pay attention, right?

So I go back to the front of the store where the other woman's at, and I say, I can.

I can walk you to your car.

Here's my umbrella.

And she still looks at me.

She's thinking about it, but she says, no, no, I'm.

I' going to wait.

I said, okay, you know, so I leave and she stays and waits.

But my point is, is if I wasn't paying attention to the people around me and that, you know, maybe they didn't want to rush to their cars.

It was really heavy rain, and like I said, they were older, I would say at least in their 70s.

And the point here is, if we don't make ourselves be present, if we don't notice, if we don't engage with people, and if we don't sometimes inconvenience ourselves, we will miss the opportunity.

And most times we're talking about the conversation and going deeper, but we're also talking about opportunities much like the one I shared.

And I think it's.

It's so important.

This is how we connect to other people.

And.

Okay, so I wanted to share another thing that Bob says in the devotional.

He says, if you find yourself talking past someone rather than to them, don't beat yourself up.

Use it as a great prompt to slow to a stop and find a new way to communicate.

If you find yourself merely bidding your time in a conversation, waiting to say what you have to say without listening to what other people, the other person is saying.

It's time for a new approach.

And then he just says, make a rule for yourself to ask whoever you're talking to a couple of questions about what they're doing.

Don't use questions to challenge them.

Make it an invitation to share.

Let them know you are 100% with them and curious about how life is going for them.

And I love this last line.

He says, God sent Jesus to be with us so we would be with one another.

And here's the thing.

I think it gets easier, right?

The more we engage with people, the more we go deeper with people.

And there's someone on Instagram that I've seen posts from, and unfortunately I couldn't find it right now.

But he talks all about communication and relationships, but he talks about it from a way of, like at a dinner party, right?

Or when you meet somebody, we can.

We can go beyond, how's the.

Isn't the weather been great?

Or what do you do for a living?

Let's ask different questions.

Let's ask better questions.

You know, like I love Bob's question where he said, what's.

What's been the highlight of your day, or maybe the highlight of your summer.

This gentleman on Instagram shares things like, ask what's made.

What's been getting you excited lately?

I mean, that's not the question.

I'm saying that wrong.

But in other words, like, what hobby?

You know, what do you do in your free time?

What has been the coolest thing you did this summer?

In other words, ask a question that goes beyond your job, right, As a worker or your career, ask a question that goes beyond something boring, like the weather.

Maybe they have a really cool shirt on or maybe really funky shoes.

I mean, whatever it is, like, go deeper.

Like, oh, do you like, you know, like, do you have.

Is this your style?

I don't know.

But the point is, is think of something more creative.

Maybe, you know, what's, have you seen any great events this summer?

You know, but just go deeper.

Or where's the coolest place you visited this year?

You know what I mean?

So just go deeper.

Or maybe, you know, I don't know.

But the point is, is we can try harder.

We can go beyond the basic questions and actually care, pay attention.

And so I just wanted to come on and share this today because I think when we're intentional not just with what we want in our lives, not with just what are our priorities and saying yes to the right things and saying no to sometimes good things, but things that aren't right for us in this season, we also have to be intentional to create and curate our relationships, to connect with those around us in our communities.

We also show people a little part of Christ when we engage with people in a different way than so many people of the world do, right?

When we smile at them, we say hello, we say, oh, I can help you.

Right?

I took a train from Virginia beach to D.C. a couple months ago.

And, you know, once again, that's another opportunity where I was on a train and there was a woman, she was standing in line to get on the train near me, and we probably talked for 10 minutes.

And then when we got on the train, we were sitting, initially sitting near each other, and we weren't like, not right beside each other, but across the aisle from each other.

So we chatted.

I found out where she was going and what she was doing, and she takes the train all the time.

Eventually, we split where we were sitting because she was going to go to the quiet car, and then I ended up moving as well to a different car.

But the point is, we had this lovely conversation.

It was a nice interaction.

It probably, I mean, I wasn't uneasy, but I hadn't taken the train at least in a really long time.

And so once again, it just lets you know, like, hey, other people like you.

Good Kind normal people take the train.

Of course they do.

But I'm just saying.

And for her, once again, she takes the train a lot, but does she always get to interact with somebody and them ask her about her.

Her life, about her happenings?

So we just want to be human with other humans.

And so I just want to come on, share that because like I said, this really kind of clicked with me today and that while I do do this sometimes, and I definitely try to engage with people closest to me, sometimes it's hard, right.

With my own kids because they're.

Hello, young adults.

And I seem to always ask the wrong questions or ask too many questions.

So that is definitely an area that I'm trying to get better at.

And yes, partly that's just my young adult's age.

Right.

Poise.

But also I definitely do pick up my phone some days more than I should.

And the question is, what am I missing out on when I do that?

What am I missing out on when I'm trying to ignore the people around me?

Most of the time I'm not trying to do that.

But my point is I definitely have been there and I definitely sometimes find myself there without even meaning to be there.

So I just come on to ask you and myself the question, are we being present with the people around us both with our friends?

Are we being present in our circumstances?

Right?

So whether we're at the grocery store or we're going out for dinner or whatever it might be, are you engaging with your server?

And don't get me wrong, servers are pretty busy, usually, especially on the weekend.

But, like, is there an opportunity to engage, you know, to be more present even with people that are helping us or serving us?

So that is just my call or my challenge to each of us today.

And the last thing I'd share is I've talked about friendship on here before, and it's definitely something I'll come back on again about.

But are you making yourself available?

Are you putting in time to deepen your relationships, right, with your spouse, with your friends?

We can't wait until everything is perfect, right?

The environment, the kids, you know, whatever it is.

Before we put the work in, we need to put the work in now because our relationships matter.

And the two things that I want to wrap up with, one is one of the indicators of people that live the longest is actually not a health or what you'd think of as a health signal.

It's people with deep, meaningful relationships tend to live the longest.

You don't have to have the most relationships it just means you have a couple people in your corner that you know are there for you.

They support you and you can rely on them, right?

You can talk to them about real life.

And then the other thing is, I saw something just the other day.

It's, I think it's a relationship expert.

And he was saying, you'd be shocked.

But there's one thing that actually helps keep couples who are maybe having difficulty in their marriage stay together.

And he said it's the simplest thing and people don't want to believe me, but it's true.

He said making your spouse smile, like looking them in the eye and making them smile.

And his challenge is 10 times a day, try to make your spouse smile by looking at them, by being present with them and smiling at them.

Like, of course, saying kind things to her spouse is letting them know that they mean so much to us, right?

And we appreciate them and all that and love them.

But like, how small of a thing is that?

But yet he says so many people don't do it.

So that is another thing.

Like are we noticing how we're acting around the people that we're, we care about or should care about the most?

Or are we just so busy going to the next thing?

I have to go make dinner, I have to drop the kids off, I have to do this.

That we are missing those moments of connection.

So until next time, I hope you have a great week.

I hope that this gives you a little food for thought as you step into the rest of your week.

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