Are You Comparing Yourself Without Even Realizing It? How to Stop Measuring Your Life Against Everyone Else’s

What is trying to fit in costing you?

What is trying to keep up with what's popular or trying to compare yourself to other people?

What is it truly costing you?

And is it costing you your piece?

That's what we're going to dig into today.

Welcome to Faith Fueled Living, the podcast that equips you to live well spiritually, emotionally, physically, and purposefully.

Each week, we'll dive into conversations and biblical truths to help you strengthen your faith, pursue meaningful work, get for your whole self, and live in line with what matters most.

All right, so let's jump right in.

I wanted to talk about this today because the honest truth is, while I'm reflecting on some habits, some patterns in my life, I'm realizing that there is this low level of comparison that's happening, or me trying to emulate or be like something or someone else or a trend.

Now, I'm not overly somebody that goes along with, you know, fashion trends or just, I guess, anything, but.

But here's the problem.

It's small and minor things that creep in that I then realize, whoa, I didn't even realize it's because I'm measuring myself against.

And maybe that's the more appropriate thing.

What am I measuring myself to or against?

And is that causing me to often lose my peace, or is it costing me distraction?

Right?

Is it creating distraction in my life?

Is it creating unnecessary time looking and looking at what other people are doing or what other people are wearing, or, oh, that looks so good on them, or this person seems like they're doing really well because they're doing this thing?

I don't know if you can relate to this, but I find that I'm not an overly jealous person.

I'm not overly someone that compares myself to other people, but it still creeps into my life.

And so while this isn't about, you know, don't buy the outfit that.

That you're looking at or don't try something, it's about, what.

What reason are you doing it for?

And here's what I mean by that.

There have been times where I've purchased things over the years because I'm like, oh, that looks neat.

That looks cool.

I like it.

And so, yes, I still pick something that I was drawn to, but I have to also be honest about what works for me.

And often the trends don't work for me.

Right?

What works for one of my girlfriends or what works for someone I see online often doesn't work for my body type.

I'm not super tall.

I'm 5 3, and I do have some curves, right?

So.

And more than I had when I was 20, you know, or 30 and then and beyond.

So I have to also be honest with why am I trying to get something else?

Or why am I trying, or am I comparing myself to where someone else is at with whatever it might be?

Right.

It could be a materialistic thing, but in my case, it's more often how the podcast is doing or what I'm putting out into the world, right.

Or that I hesitate to put things out sometimes in the world.

But why is that happening?

And so I want to read you first a quote by Priscilla Schreier.

And it says, and she's talking about basically how the devil tricks us and stops us.

She says he'll seek to cripple you with lies and strongholds that will keep you from reaching the goal of your God given destiny.

Well, what are those lies and strongholds?

It's much about what I'm talking about, which is it could be comparison or measuring ourselves against other people.

And it can even be very subtle, right?

This doesn't have to be where we're always doing that, but is it keeping us or some of those thoughts or patterns keeping us from getting to the goal of our God given destiny?

And if I'm being truly honest here, I think it sometimes is keeping me from getting there or getting there as quick or in the way that God wants me to, or in the timing he wants me to.

So I'm going to be honest.

This has stopped me before or it has made me hesitate or hold back from recording videos or recording certain podcast episodes that I haven't put out there or talking about certain topics because of.

It could be fear or how somebody might look at me or compare me or judge me.

It could be that, like I said, I'm measuring myself against what someone else is doing.

And then I think, oh, well, maybe this isn't enough or good enough or maybe I can't do this or talk about this.

So I want to share with you first.

Let's see, we're going to look at scripture and it's Galatians 6, 4, 6.

It says, don't compare yourself with others.

Just look at your own work to see if you've done anything to be proud of.

You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.

Whoever is being taught God's word should share the good things they have with the one who is teaching them.

And so right here, right, even in the Bible, it tells us, don't compare ourselves to others.

But the reason is because it will derail us, it'll slow us down, It'll take.

Take us off the path in the focus of God and what he wants for us in this day and in the season and for our lives, and we'll get caught up in that.

In other words, we will be distracted from what he has us here to do.

And I think we have to, you know, really pause and look at our habits, our thoughts and our patterns.

So my first question to myself and to all of you, is this.

What is comparing yourself to someone else costing you?

What is measuring yourself against someone else's journey or what appears to be success, right, or getting the thing, what is it costing you?

In other words, your focus on those things, is it slowing you down?

Is it causing you to have less peace or joy in your lives?

And so I think that's the first thing, is we have to get real and we have to actually answer that question.

For most of us, this isn't going to be across the board.

It might be in one particular area of our lives or where we're comparing or measuring ourselves against other people.

It could be our figure, it could be our style, it could be our homes, it could be our work, it could be our relationships.

It can be anything.

But where is it that we're.

We are allowing less peace in our life because of this comparison or measurement?

All right.

And so Priscilla goes on to say in her book or her devotional, awaken when you're feeling the fatigue of spiritual battle as well as a sense of comparison and inferiority to other people.

Your helmet of salvation impresses upon you the reality that you are firmly rooted in Jesus, that you are seated with him in heavenly places, and that you have been created and equipped to bear fruit for his glory.

And it's in 1 Thessalonians 5.

8 That it talks about the helmet of hope, of salvation.

And it says, since we belong to the day, let us be self controlled and put on the armor of faith and love and a helmet of the hope of salvation.

So that's what she's talking about.

And later she says in her devotional, it is your helmet of salvation that fortifies you with the reminder that you've been chosen and adopted and loved with an everlasting love.

And so the reason that I wanted to talk about this today in a solo mini episode is what if we could actually just show up in our day with peace and joy and we didn't concern ourselves with I need this thing, or I need to get to this level, or I need this other Thing, because none of it actually creates more peace or joy in our lives.

Right.

The only thing that's going to create that is spending more time with God.

It's getting in his word.

It's allowing us.

Right.

To beat to our own.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

To hear our own beat, to know what we love, to know what fulfills us and makes us feel good.

And when I say feel good, I don't just mean, like on a joyride, feel good.

I mean, what are the things that you surround yourself that make you feel more peaceful, more joyful, more calm and centered?

Besides the things I already said, which is getting in his word and being with him, having time for quiet.

It's how we pace our days.

It's what we allow into our homes and our days.

So do you have spaces in your home that are calming?

Do you have clothing that you wear that just make you feel good and you don't worry about how you look?

Right.

It could be what some people say, classic, or that, you know, that you always feel comfortable or confident in those outfits.

It can be that the things that you have in your home could be beautiful, but they work for you.

You're not always trying to get the next better thing or the thing that you perceive to be better.

And so really, the question comes down to, are we being intentional with what works for us and what fits us uniquely in not trying to compare or measure ourselves or our homes or how our children look or the cars we drive, the houses we have, the work we're doing, the title we have, because those things are just distractions.

It doesn't mean that we can't have a vision or a dream for something different in the future.

Right.

I have a vision for one day living on the water.

And yes, of course, I visualize kind of like what the home will look like, because we've been in our same home for, gosh, like, 27 years.

So it's not like I'm just trying to get, like, the next house or a bigger house.

It's that I just have this.

This deep drawl and desire to be on the water.

Right.

It's something that I love.

I want to see the sunsets.

So that's what I'm talking about.

It's not to say that we can't have a desire or want things.

We absolutely should.

Right.

If they're good things.

Like, I envision this future home of mine being a place that we can gather, and it's just going to be like a calming, joyful place to come together.

With my family, with friends, hopefully one day doing retreats there.

So do you see what I'm saying?

Like, there's a purpose in my desire.

It's not just for me, it's.

It's how that I would continue what I'm already doing, but I will do it in a place that I feel is beautiful and life giving to me and other people.

So once again though, that dream isn't about me trying to compete or compare myself or want something because other people want it or how it will look.

It's because I truly forgot.

Over 20 years have had this, this vision of where I want to be, right.

As our kids kind of get older and move out because now I have all college or just over college aged sons, so we won't need to be in the same school district or anything like that in the coming years.

And so I think that's the point though is if we don't slow down and notice our habits and patterns in our thoughts, we can mistakenly think, oh, I don't compare myself, I'm not measuring up against things.

And if I'm going to be really honest, of course, like I just shared at the beginning, yes, of course I see, you know, cute outfits online or a friend wearing something and it looks so good on them and I think, oh, I want to get, I want to get an outfit that makes me that I like that, you know, not that same thing, but something that reminds me of that or I think, you know, gosh, I used to be, you know, slimmer than I am and I used to never have to think about, you know, what I look like in clothes.

They just fit, right?

But of course, now that I'm older, that's not necessarily true, right.

It's kind of an ebb and a flow and up and down.

And so there's nothing wrong with me wanting or with us wanting to fit in our clothes.

Of course I think we should not have to worry about, right.

Weight or how we look because everything's kind of just working.

But the reality is a lot of us do struggle with, you know, whatever it might be.

It could be weight, it could be maybe as you get older you just feel worn out, you feel like you look worn out, maybe you feel like, oh, I'm getting more wrinkles.

And one, there's some level of acceptance there, right?

Like we have to kind of understand where we're at, our reality.

But it's also, am I doing the things to make sure that they're supporting my body, right, or your body.

And so once Again, the point is, I can't.

I don't look the same as someone that's 5, 10 and has a more slender, you know, body.

It's not going to look the same on me.

First of all, just being shorter makes certain things not look good on me.

Right.

Longer sweaters, of course, I have plenty of them, but I don't wear them often because they don't actually look good on me.

In most cases, they add weight.

Like, they.

They make me look shorter, and then they make me look, like, fuller through my hips and my backside.

So that's what I'm saying is, like, do you.

Right.

The whole thing is God designed us uniquely to do us, right?

Like, he doesn't want us to try to be someone else because he made us uniquely ourselves.

So you're going to have desires and dreams and interests and passions and things that break your heart that your friends and the people that you see online aren't going to have.

But if we could actually just show up in our day and be comfortable in our own skin, imagine how much time we'd save and how much mental space if we weren't stuck looking at what other people are doing.

I heard this interesting thing comment, I guess, or story, the other day.

There was a guy online, he's a professor and he's written books and he has, you know, all the things podcast substack.

But he was saying, like, there was some period of time, maybe it was a decade ago, where he had stopped drinking alcohol.

And he said, you know, I was at a conference and I went to a dinner with a group of people that he knew or that were speakers.

And he remembered just thinking, like, gosh, everybody's ordering, like, a cocktail.

And he knew that he wasn't going to.

And so he didn't have a drinking problem.

He just for his health, he decided to give up alcohol.

So he got a glass of water.

But he was like, I was thinking so much.

I was so consumed before I ordered, like, what everybody else was ordering.

And what are they going to say when they hear that I only got water?

And are they going to, like, ask me about it and am I going to feel uncomfortable?

And then he went on to say, like, okay, well, I ordered my dinner, I ordered the water, and no one even batted an eye.

No one paid attention.

No one fricking cared.

And he realized I was putting all this energy into what I thought people would pay attention to what I thought people would say I was putting all this energy into.

Well, what if someone makes a big deal?

But I think that example is exactly what I'm talking about.

Are we measuring or comparing or allowing thoughts to stop us, slow us down, take our peace away, keep us off mission, or keep us distracted enough that we will miss what God's asking us to do in this moment, in this day, in this season?

Like, are we missing being part of God's miracles?

Are we missing truly being connected to the people around us because we're distracted by these things that in the end, don't matter?

Right?

Like, yes, wear an outfit you feel good in.

I'm surely not saying that.

Like, keep working at what you're doing, but don't let the other things wrap you.

Right?

Like, don't worry about keeping up the Joneses.

Jones is, as they say, walk or run your own race.

Because when you do it with God, when you partner with him, when you keep in his word and you remember that your identity isn't about your title or, or your outfit or your home or anything else, it's all about that identity in Christ and who he says you are and who he made you uniquely to be.

That is when you will experience more fruit of the Spirit.

Right?

I'm not going to list every one of them right now, but, you know, obviously several of those are that peace, that joy, having self control, the kindness like you.

You experience more of that when you stop trying to emulate someone else or get somewhere as quick as someone else, or worry about a word or a title.

Look, I'm going to be honest with you.

When I started my podcasts, and yes, I have several, but this is my primary one at this point.

I mean, I'm doing it at my own speed and at my own pace, and I regularly have to remind myself that whatever the numbers are, right, like for downloads or number of people, that's not up to me.

And I've talked about this on the episode or the podcast before, those outcomes are up to God.

My job is to be faithful and consistent and show up, but it's so easy for me to get caught up in that, oh, this person's.

You know, they look like they have a bigger audience or, gosh, they have more engaged listeners or.

So, yeah, that comparison or that measuring against it creeps in all the time if I'm being honest into my life.

Because as soon as I'm not focused on my assignment, as soon as I let myself start looking right, like in the other yard, in the other place, I start thinking, well, their side looks so much better.

Why can't it be more like that for Me, but that's taking me off mission, and it's stealing some of my peace and my joy.

And you know what else it's doing?

It's making me doubt myself, right?

It's making me put doubt into my ministry, to my work, to what I put out.

It's making me doubt even showing up in certain clothes.

Like, if I just love or love as best as I can.

An outfit, maybe, like I said, like, look, okay, Sometimes I'm like, gosh, my hips are a little big.

You know, I got.

I got some booty there.

Like, so some outfits that used to fit me better, you know, I look curvy.

I'm curvier now.

But if I can find the outfits that work for me and I feel comfortable, you know, or as best I can in them, then I need to just be content in the outfit and not be like, oh, well, hers is so cute.

I, gosh, I wish I could look like in that.

It's not helping me, right?

It's just making me doubt myself and my choices and not because of the other person or what they did.

It's because we're letting in the stronghold, the lies, the comparison, the doubt and the measuring.

And so today I just share this episode because the honest truth is I'm really reflecting on myself and saying, why am I finding myself very regularly screenshotting images of outfits?

You know, so beyond the podcast and the work and everything, in thinking, like, okay, maybe I'll see if I can find something similar to this when I have closets stuffed full of clothing.

And it's because these things creep in, right?

Those lies or that wanting to fit in or like, oh, look, this looks really great on me.

And like I said, I'm not that person.

I'm not.

I'm not, like, looking for compliments.

It's that it's so easy in a world that pushes us.

The algorithms that keep showing me cute outfits.

Like, I want to go and look cute like that model or the person, you know, the influencer.

But I have a different body than some of those people.

So I'm never.

I have a different hairstyle.

Like, I'm a different age than that person.

Maybe they're 20 and I'm, you know, just over 50.

So this is what I'm saying.

If we would just slow down, keep our sights on what's truly important to us and what we value, if we would keep our sights on Christ, if we would make sure that we're not on social too much or at all or whatever, we would make sure.

That what we're purchasing, what we're working on is because that's where we feel called.

Or it works for us.

And it's not just a trend where we're trying to grab onto something.

And it's not to say, like, if, look, there's people that are super into fashion.

For them, it's a creative outlet, it brings them joy.

That's great, as long as it doesn't become a distraction in the other things, right.

That you're called into doing.

Because we do want to look presentable.

So I'm not saying, like, don't buy something.

What I'm saying is buy it because it's.

You buy it because you feel so good in it that when you walk into the room, you are there and you don't worry about what you look like so that you can show up for the assignment God is giving you.

That's what I'm saying.

But don't just try to keep, you know, upping the thing or the person or, you know, you always need a new thing, right?

You're always redecorating the room, or you always need a new hairstyle, because that points to something, right?

And so that's what I'm saying is be you go towards what works for you, what works for the situation in any way.

But just be intentional and think about what is comparing yourself to someone else or something else, what is measuring yourself against someone else or where someone else is at, or what someone else looks like or whatever it might be.

Like, what is it costing you?

And then what can you do to change it?

And the first thing I'd say is go and read the Scriptures, much like the Galatians that I read read earlier.

Like, remind yourself of that.

Write it down in a.

On a piece of paper, put it on your mirror, put it in your prayer journal, whatever it might be, but just keep filling yourself up like it says in the Bible, focus on what is good and honorable and true.

Right?

All these things.

Because when we focus on those things, we don't focus as much on the things that we think people are paying attention to.

Because much like the example of the story of the professor, most people are not paying as much attention to you as you think.

Like, they're in their own thoughts.

They're worried about their own day, their own life, their own problems.

Nobody is actually paying attention to us as much as we think people are paying attention to us.

So I just want to leave you with one last thing.

Okay.

And this is a prayer from.

I think it's Pastor Gregory Dickow.

And here's what I like about it.

Everything I just talked about today, the comparison, the measuring, the fear, right?

Or, like, worrying how we're going to be perceived or whatever.

A lot of it comes from us trying to get confirmation, affirmation, accolades from the world that will never fulfill us.

Just like more money.

Yes, that can be a blessing or a new title.

It's never.

Yeah, it seems like it when.

When you're working towards something that it will be more fulfilling or you'll feel contented, but you will, right?

Because the only thing that's going to actually give you that is like filling that hole right in your.

Within your soul with God.

And so here's the prayer he says, heavenly Father, only you know what's truly missing in my life.

Only you know what I need.

So I'm asking you, bring into my life whatever is missing that you've prescribed for me.

Whatever is missing that is leading to dissatisfaction, whatever is missing that is grabbing me of fullness, of joy.

Lord, I am asking you for it.

I'm looking to you for it.

In Jesus's name, amen.

And I love that because it's really speaking to what I talked about today, which is why is it that we're comparing or measuring or afraid to step into something or worried about what other people think?

Because as I kind of said before, but I've said in other episodes, sometimes I do hesitate.

I don't talk about certain things because I. I don't want to rock the boat sometimes.

Right.

And I get that.

That, that's.

That can be an issue, and that's something I'm still working on.

But since COVID I've just struggled to talk about certain things because people often don't want to hear what they're not ready for.

And so there are certain things that I've just not talked about on the podcast or in the email or whatever.

And I've just mostly kept it with private conversations with certain people.

And some of that might be okay, right?

Some of that is maybe discernment that it.

I don't need to be everywhere talking about every topic.

But what I love about his prayer is just that why is it we're doing those things, like the measuring, the compare, comparing, wanting this other thing.

And it's that if something's missing, it's often that we need more time with God or that God knows what's truly deep in our heart, that we need help mending or fulfilling or help shifting our heart.

Right?

And what we're holding on to.

And so I just wanted to end with that.

And I just want to tell you, if you haven't already, come and join my community.

You can join my email and you'll get my Faith Friday emails where I help encourage you and just give you a couple things to think about, a couple questions to ponder.

I send it out most weeks, but not every Friday.

So I would love for you to come join us.

Just go to KristinFitch.com and come on, let's, let's get those into your email so it's also you can read something that encourages you.

And while you're doing that, when you're over at my website, head over to my workbooks and I have a joyful, joyful living devotional that you can download absolutely free.

Or I have a Reignite your Passion workbook where it lets you really think about what is it?

What are those dreams?

What are those desires that God's put on your heart?

What does he want you to step into that maybe you've been ignoring or pausing or so busy with everyone else's expectations and needs that you've not really thought about?

How do you show up for the assignments that God has for you based on who you're uniquely made to be?

So head over to KristenPetch.com and go grab that today.

I can't wait for you to be a part of our our broader community.

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