Giving Yourself Grace: Healing Through Grief, Overwhelm & Life’s Transitions

Hey.

Hey.

And welcome back to Faithfield Woman.

This is your host, Kristen.

I am so glad you're here with me today.

Today is going to be a short episode, but I want to briefly dig into what it looks like to give ourselves more grace and what it looks like to have more self acceptance and also what it looks like when life just feels like too much.

What can we do?

What are some strategies that we can pick up, you know, without it being just adding to our plate.

And so I want to dig into that today and one of the reasons is I just sent an email to my community.

If you're not already signed up, if you go to kristenfitch.com you can get my regular encouragement and tips, things that are filling me up and so much more in that regular email series.

But in that I shared with people a couple coaching experiences I'm working on and I'm trying to decide which one will roll out first based on feedback.

But more importantly, I just shared a real small snippet to say I hadn't emailed my entire community via email recently.

Actually it's been a couple months because I have just been holding on to trying to process loss and so I'm going to dig into that a little bit more today too.

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I'm Kristin, an encourager, mentor, entrepreneur, wife and mom, here to uplift, equip and inspire you with faith filled conversations and biblical wisdom.

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Okay, first I want to just continue with what I just shared, which is I shared in my email that in the coming weeks or months I'll share a little bit more about walking through the loss of my dad.

Excuse me, which happened in the beginning of February.

And then about a month or just over a month later, we did his celebration of life and we knew he continued to decline.

He had Parkinson's.

In the last two and a half, three months before he passed, he really did start declining quicker.

But then those last two weeks we went from thinking to what things know, year a long time still, even though his health wasn't great, to thinking, oh, maybe the shorter time frame to literally only about a week before did hospice think that maybe he had very limited time.

And so, you know, the thought crossed our mind a couple weeks prior, but because his health kept Declining.

We knew that at some point, you know, he.

He was just struggling.

His body and his mind was betraying him.

But I share all of that today.

Just to say, the last couple of months, while I've still primarily gotten the podcast out, there's been a couple times where I didn't.

And while I've still been doing, you know, some mentoring and I've been doing some interviews and other things for the interviews of the podcast, interviews for research, and really deciding what I'm going to.

I'm going to work with people this summer and fall.

So I was just still doing things.

I was still working on some small initiatives, but to be honest, I just found I was working in slow motion, right?

I couldn't.

Like, I could most of the time, I couldn't get a lot done in a day.

And it wasn't because I didn't try.

It's just.

It took longer.

I found that I needed more space.

It didn't feel like I had the motivation or the mental focus to crank out more stuff.

And so I'm sharing that because I think so many of us have been here.

First of all, I've talked to so many friends around the country, know, relatives, and then, so some of you, so many of us, right, especially once you hit a certain age, we've all experienced the loss of someone close to us.

And so, so many of you get this, right?

You've been there, and it looks different, it feels different for everyone, the time frame in which we process, right, the different stages of grief are different.

But I'm bringing this up because whether it's loss, grief, whether it's big change in your life, a transition, which is jarring or maybe even upsetting, it could be embarrassing.

You know, maybe something happened, you know, in your family or with your spouse, who knows, right?

But it's something that becomes public and you maybe didn't want it to.

And so whatever you're walking through, it really takes a toll on us, right?

It can take a toll on us mentally, for sure.

Physically, absolutely.

Psychologically, you know, just so many things and so.

And even spiritually.

And so what I wanted to share about that was I had to really give myself grace to know that I wasn't able to get done what I had expected to get done before my dad passed.

And then even one of our neighborhood friends passed the week after my dad passed very unexpectedly.

And as far as we all knew, excuse me, he was in good health until really the night before when he started not feeling well.

And then one of my sister in law's moms passed a week after my dad as well.

So there's just a lot of loss around the same time, which I also know people that have experienced that, that.

But that's the thing about life.

We don't know what's going to come our way, right?

We don't know when we're going to have a loss happen.

We, I mean often we don't know when we're going to have a job, you know, or career change.

We might get laid off, we might lose our job, maybe we have to move.

Financial circumstances changed, your marital status might have changed.

But we have to in that moment realize that we may need more time, more space to just allow ourselves to be right, to find ways to fill ourselves up, to get into the word more, to pray more.

But really I just had to say like this is okay, whatever I get done, if today doesn't feel productive, that is okay.

Or there was a part of me right deep down that I wanted to get more done, that I had thought I would get more done right in the first part of this year.

But I had to keep coming back to I only have to get through today.

I only have to worry about today, right?

And you know, God tells us, you know, we don't want to bring our troubles into the next day.

There'll be enough for today.

And you know, so one I just want to say to you, if you are going through a transition, maybe you've gone through a loss recently, something hard, right?

You just feel kind of punched in the gut.

Are you giving yourself grace?

And what does that look like?

It looks like having more self, self acceptance, self love.

It means asking for something, asking for help when you need it, Saying sometimes, you know what, I don't have the energy to do X, Y or Z, right?

That could be going to making dinner, whatever it might be.

It might be, you know what, we just need to order out tonight or we're eating leftovers again, you know, in other words, it just means that we're not holding ourselves to this standard that maybe we used to hold ourselves to.

And I think that's important for no matter what life looks like, I think so many women, we hold ourselves to these standards that are very difficult to maintain.

We want to try to do it all.

And then we wonder why we're exhausted, why we're still tired mentally and physically.

But it's because one our mind never stops with the to do's and have to dos the let me take care of it, let me take care of them.

I, I have to finish this.

And then physically, I talked to so many of you and some of you forget to eat, or you say, I don't have time to go on a walk or whatever it might be, that's actually how we renew ourselves, right?

We renew our bodies, we renew our mind, we reset, we are allow, we are giving ourselves breaks to decrease our stress.

But if we don't, we are risking having chronic, right, inflammation, chronic stress, which, those lead to more problems.

And so, so many of us don't realize that by putting everyone else first, we're actually harming ourselves.

And I'm absolutely not saying we should only put ourselves first.

What I'm saying is there has to be a balance in that we give ourselves what we need in order to do our best work and to be our most loving.

And if you find that that's not the case, you know, if you're looking at a seesaw or a scale and everything all day long that you're putting onto one side of the scale, let's say the other side of the scale is what your expectations are for work, your home life, right?

All your obligations, maybe your chores, taking your kids somewhere if they're younger, whatever it might be, if you visually think about it, all day long you're putting tokens in, if you will, into the one side of the scale.

And the other scale is you ask yourself, am I putting any tokens in the side of the scale that's going to refresh me, refill me, allow me to rest so that I can do my most loving and best work.

And if you answer no, then that's somewhere you're going to have to start making a shift.

And of course, somewhere in there needs to also be time, right?

To have quiet time, to have time with God, to get into the Word.

And a lot of you are doing that, right?

You're doing that at least for a few minutes in the morning or throughout your day.

But still, it's the other thing, right?

I love those sayings or the memes that say, like, if you don't have, if you don't make time for God, right, or getting in his word, then like, what are you doing, right?

In other words, what are we spending our time on?

Because most of us, not all of us, have time wasters in our lives, right?

And so that's the first thing is, are you giving yourself grace?

And then are you giving yourself space to listen to what you need?

What does your body need?

What is your, what does your mind and your heart need?

And so that's the first thing I wanted to share.

The second is, oh, and actually when I was, I was alluding to the fact that chronic stress, chronic inflammation, not ever putting tokens on our, our side, right?

Of like, what we need can really harm us.

And I've shared some data on that before, but I'm actually reading two books right now.

But one is called when the Body says no by Gabor Mate.

And he's a doctor, I think, in Canada.

But it's an entire book about exploring the stress disease connection.

And he is one of the people that explains that 80% of autoimmune diseases are found or the diagnosis are in women.

And it's because we often don't share what our needs are.

We don't get our needs necessarily met.

Always.

We don't express our feelings and emotions, even anger.

And by anger, I don't mean like an angry outburst.

Anger in expressing, like this thing is frustrating me.

So in a healthy way, we may always seem calm and collected, but really we're allowing for all of our feelings and emotions to be repressed, right?

To be tamped down.

Problem with that is, is we're not dealing with them.

We're not processing, processing them.

And they build up in our bodies.

And this is why I'm saying these things are not a joke.

Like, they matter.

He also talks in the book about.

So he doesn't just talk about autoimmune diseases, he talks about cancer.

He talks about other major illnesses.

But there's actually they've done studies.

And first of all, let me be clear.

We can get many diseases and diagnoses from many things, right?

A lot of us were all exposed to toxins, but some of us are exposed to more than others.

Yes, there can be sometimes genetic components, but he says in many cases, people that have cancer or other chronic illnesses, they have certain characteristics about their childhood, things that have happened to them in their lives, and then how they handle things.

For instance, how they handle their emotions and their feelings, repressing things.

And also, often when someone gets a major diagnosis, there is a trigger, like a final trigger or straw that got broken, right?

Like something major happened, a huge stress in someone's life.

And it's kind of like that's the final click or straw that kind of makes that stress disease connection fall into place.

And we have this.

We start having major issues.

And so obviously, I haven't finished the book yet, and it's a great book if you're interested in that topic.

But I bring that up to say that work of understanding how to find daily ways to relieve stress.

Doing the work, to start expressing ourselves, doing the work to, to understand how to in a healthy way express, express our feelings and emotions.

To address the things in our life that maybe we've repressed, right?

That might even be relationships with people that are close to us, that we have just not said what we need to say.

And so just the more I research this, the more that I, right, live my life, I see it, I'm understanding it so much more.

And I think as women, we just do so much that we just keep doing things the way we've done them.

Unless it hits a head, right?

It comes to a head where we are, we feel so terrible that we decide to address it.

I want you to address things before that happens, right?

I want to address them now, not one day when I have no choice.

And so that's the other thing I wanted to share today with you as well.

And I think the last thing is so many women I talk to as we hit a certain age, right?

It could be 40, it could be 50, it could be 60, you know, maybe you're younger, mid-30s or older listening to this.

But we sometimes think, ah, well, you know, I thought maybe I would do this one day or I would love to do this.

We let fear hold us.

Black and I had written a quote or a statement the other day.

It was, I saw something a little bit similar to it, but I created my own, you know, graphic and concept.

But basically it says, let me see if I can pull it up.

It says fear says, oh, here it is, sorry.

Fear says, what if?

Faith says even if.

And then I said, when we shift our thinking from what if this happens or doesn't happen to even if this does or doesn't happen, that all things work for good with God and our life will be changed.

So my question is, are we living a what if life?

And, and by what if?

We can reframe, and I've talked to us where we can reframe the what if to be positive, right?

To be an expecting what if?

Like, what if this works out?

But if we're being honest, most of us use what if statements for like, what if something bad happened?

What if I get embarrassed?

What if I get laughed at?

What if I don't get the job, right?

So a lot of us, we're operating out of fear from some, at some level.

Now sometimes that fear is so deep seated, right?

It's subconscious and it's, it's something that we don't even realize is happening.

Meaning maybe we really feel like we need validation from people.

And so if we don't get it, we feel like it's a chink in our armor.

Like maybe we're being rejected or we aren't really loved by people or are we worthy enough?

Enough.

Can we do enough?

Right.

Like, maybe we feel like we have to achieve more, we have to perform.

And so what ifs?

If we find ourselves in the what if kind of spiral, if we find ourselves in this, the thing that we're operating from is a negative.

Meaning, like, I'm afraid to do it.

I'm afraid to put myself out there.

You know, let's say you're single.

I'm afraid to put myself out there because what if this doesn't work out?

What if I don't meet somebody?

Maybe I'll look silly standing at the.

The mixer.

You know, maybe it's that you're going back into the workforce or you're changing careers and you're.

You're just afraid you're not going to have what it takes.

But what if we shifted that, right?

From what I said, the what if, to even if.

Even if it doesn't work out, I will be okay.

Even if I don't get the promotion, like, it will be okay even if it doesn't work out for me today.

Right.

Like, if we can flip it, if we can start understanding that even if we feel like there's a disappointment, even if there is a loss, even if we have a really hard day, even if those things happen.

Two things.

One, God is working for our good, for his good, right?

But he's weaving our story into a bigger story, and he is with us.

And so if we can just remember that we.

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the moment.

But.

But we're not really.

It's not so much in the moment, because if we're truly present, we will see the gift in that moment.

Right?

Maybe we're going to learn something.

Maybe we have an encounter with somebody.

Right?

Right.

Or a conversation that shifts the course for us.

Right.

Maybe the job we're applying for is not the real right job, the right path for us at that moment.

Maybe we're not ready for it.

Maybe we're in a season of preparation.

So we just have to remember that even if today I don't understand why something didn't go the way we wanted.

It doesn't mean that that is bad.

It doesn't mean that we should start feeling afraid to try something else.

And so I just want to encourage you in that way.

And so I know today was a little less concise of an episode.

It was more just sharing a little bit about what was on my heart and what I've been working on.

And I did want to let you know that I am beta testing three different coaching experiences and I'm going to launch one of them very soon coming up later this month or early June.

And two of them are absolutely tied to what I talked about today.

So the first one is called Midlife Energy Reset.

But it's really about helping women 40 plus or 35 plus who've been running on autopilot neglect, neglecting their needs or maybe they feel drained and stretched too thin by helping you, if that's you feel up to 50% more energized and clear so that you can have be fully present and you for your work and your family and yourselves.

Because I have talked to a lot of women and they are just worn out because they're doing all the things and it's time that we take the steps, we learn the habits and shift our day a little bit so that we can feel better.

And these are simple things that you can implement in your life.

But it's going to be holistic.

So we're going to address the mental, physical and spiritual aspects of why we feel so worn out and we're lacking energy.

Right.

Or we're lacking clarity in our brains because we're just done by the end of the day.

We just have to fit decision fatigue.

But if this it sounds like you, if you can relate to that, then in my show notes I have a link it talks more about this and you can click into it'll give you an interest form and it will just tell you a little bit more about it and it'll ask you a couple questions because that feedback will really help me.

Also on my website, KristinFitch.com freebies I actually have a five day energy reset that you can download and it's just six easy daily habits that you can implement into your life to start building your energy back.

So the next thing that I'm working on in trying to see if which one I have the most interest in right now is express yourself, reignite your passion and find your voice again.

And so this is for women that maybe after once again taking care of everyone else's needs, maybe pausing something that when you were younger you thought you might do or maybe dreams you've had but you've just put on hold and you thought I don't know if I'm going to get to this again.

Or maybe you've always been the peacekeeper in your family.

Maybe you've always been the one that holds, you're the glue, you hold everyone together.

Well, there is real consequences if we don't learn to balance that, if we don't learn how to have self expression and how to in a healthy way be clear and express our needs and our desires and be really intentional with our lives.

So this is, you know, once again we're going to address how do we take bold steps, how do we find creative ways to express ourselves.

This is really just going to be a self expression activation series.

And of course both of my series have faith tied into them.

So if that's of interest to you, in my show notes I have a little bit more about this and then a link with an interest form as well so that you can learn a little bit more about it.

And if you're up for it, fill out a couple questions so that I can get some feedback about what people are really wanting.

And lastly, if you're somebody that neither of those fit but you're interested in trying to start, you know, see if one of your ideas or a skill that you have has what it takes to become that you can make money on it.

Then I'm going to launch Creative Income Coach Studio.

So it's going to be a four week program where we work in a group setting and I help people validate an idea or a skill and then kind of test it out with a few people or a workshop or a digital project product and see if we can launch it into the world in the very simplest of terms.

We're not trying to figure out all the things we are literally going to do, only the things that you have to do in order to gain some confidence and really vet out very simple concept or idea.

So that's it.

But anyways, I just wanted to leave you with those things and like I said, I'd love feedback from you all because you clicking on those links and giving me feedback, it makes a world of difference.

So that I know what you what to offer in the coming months so that those of you that are interested in it can learn more and can sign up if that's what what you'd like to do, if you'd like to work with me in that way.

So until next time, I hope you have a blessed and beautiful holiday.

I hope that we all remember those of us in the US all the people that have lost their lives for protecting our country right as we go into Memorial Day and for all the families that sacrificed as well for the people that have lost their lives in serving our country.

So until next time, thanks again for listening to the show and if you enjoyed today's episode, we would love it if you could take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple podcast because it helps our show get discovered by more people.